Contraception, orgasums = HRT and Hot flushes!

So when I was a teenager, no one told me about how it all works? Birds and bees, more like fumbles and stumbles into the unknown!!!!  Sex education in schools was what your mate told you about or the boys behind the bike sheds with a stolen copy of their dads dirty mag. As a late starter I was told about “jonnies and the pill”!

Once I had established a so called relationship with heart throb, off to the Dr’s for my first pills I went. All this was done in secret as you never wanted parents to know you were at it! Late night fumbles and romps in the back of cars! So classy, there were even roads called lovers lane, now a days there called doggin site! Oh how we have moved on??????

In the early 80’s the North West was in its hey day for fashion, music and great nights out. I partied every night of the week with no thought to what the future held. I was on the arm of heart throb in clubs and at gigs.

We had youth on our sides and nothing to stop us having a good time.

Heart throb soon grew tired of me and then moved onto younger girls. His ego needed stroking and there were plenty of girls out there to do that.

When I look back over the years, there are a few things you never realise at the time:

1  Your never really as fat as you thought?
2  Boy, you did look a sight in what was then fashion.
3  People over 30 are not that old!
4  Not taking a coat with you on a cold night out, is essential.

Being young and reckless was great. Living a carefree life and not giving a dam about the future. As the years rolled by and I went from relationship to relationship, one box of contraceptive to the next, to one falsh baby scare. 

When I actually tried to get pregnant, I couldn’t! Bugger all those wasted pills.

Now when your young, your not told about the joy of being a women? All the hormonal roller coaster rides you will go through? Whats the deal with being a teenager, best years of some peoples life!!!  Bollocks!!! Spots, growing sperts, body hair, periods, having to deal with growing up, broken hearts,  rows with your elders, having to get a job and most annoying of all not being pretty. Oh boy is it hard. When I look back on that time, it was hell on earth.

The 80’s had new romantics and goths, so we died our hair black, wore black makeup and hated the world and our parents. RESULT. 🙂

So as a woman you go through life, deal with what is thrown at you, maybe marry, have kids, watch them grow up. Nick all your youth, looks and money and then BAM we hit menopause! Now some may get this earlier than others, trust me, my body doesn’t work correctly and then early menopause. Lucky lucky me.

Your mums and grannies call them tropical moments or hot flushes! Excuse me, tropical moments, more like a bloody volcano going off in your body. Night, day, after a shower/bath just about anytime day or night. Oh and forget putting on makeup. You end up looking like a melted wax works.
How much  can you actually sweat????

Then there’s the mood swings, forgetfulness, tears and tantrums ;-(   
Its like being a teenager all over without the firm buttocks and just a few more wrinkles. You notice things move south and your not as perky or firm as you once were. There are other symptons, like losing your sex drive! Well baby, mine took right off, left the country and didn’t even leave a forwarding address? 

As a teenager, I took contraceptives to stop me getting pregnany. Now I take HRT to put back the hormones that are missing and stop me going insane??

Oh the cycle of life.

On a plus note, we are now blessed with names as ladies of a certain age:
MILF, Cougar and to some GILF’s !!!! 

On a last note, ladies of all ages, always wear sunscreen. Your face gives away your age quicker than anything.

All I can add now is, roll on my quater of a century birthday in a few years. I intend to be fab and 50 and free from all the hassles Mother Nature has thrown at me.

P.S if anyone out there see’s my mojo??? Spank its bottom with a womens weekly and send it back to me 🙂  Ta xxxxx

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