A trio of KB’s, thats Knob Heads to you and I!

First place: Mr Neanderthal Man (NM)
Close second: Mr Grey (MG)
Last place: Alcoholic anonymous (AA)

Finding myself single 8 years ago in my late thirties, i didn’t realise how difficult it would be to find a decent partner? The first few  single years, it was all about playthings and just getting my rocks off but then you start to  think about setttling down! MISTAKE, now playthings come and go with no commitment and strings, in hind sight, when and if my mojo makes an apperance, its playthings all the way,  as my blunt and very too the point, there aint no gray area, sister pointed out, ” your shit when you have a man in your life”. HARSH, I hear you say but she really does have a valid point???? I am shit with men who aint friends. 

My personal opinion is, I am a bloody good catch, no baggage, self sufficient, doesn’t need money, or a roof over my head, can buy all my own things just needs cuddles, kisses, sex  (quiet a great deal) and company? Easy, really but why do men have to get all CAVEMAN on my ass!!! I don’t need a provider, I am good thanks very much 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

The trio of disaster that were the last three men in my life but not in the order of time but how awful they really were:

In last place comes AA, introduced in a medical research center where AA had come to be on a medical study for constipation! Bells should have rang then but at first I thought he was a sales rep. WRONG, this pathetic excuse of a man was there as a study case.
In walks AA suited and booted and makes a bee line for me, turns on the Manc charm and after a while agree to have dinner!

Dinner turned out to be wine at his city centre flat,  city centre apartment excititng, actually housing project for work shy f**kers on benefit! It wasn’t for a few weeks that you actually get to see the true extent of AA’s drinking problem?

Manc charm on full alert he’s not too bad but boy when AA was on one, stay well back. His nick name was Billy, said it was from his drug dealer days!!!! More like Billy NO mates

AA was a full time drinker and not a very good one. Couldn’t work, didn’t really leave the projects and when AA did, said he met up with mates! Imaginary mates, as I never saw.

Now WHY was I with him, ok rebound from 2nd place MG!

Anyone who’s been with an alcholic partner may have had the same problems I experienced when I kick his sorry ass out of my life??? It took forever to get rid of AA, constant calls at all times day and night. My advice, change all your numbers and move on.

In 2nd place comes MG. My very own, Mr Grey!!!! Should have been great but when we were introduced I was just on the road to my burlesque career and he was like a cat with catnip!

A man in uniform and just back from a tour of duty. We had mutual friends and he was brought into the scene that would soon be his down fall! My suspicions were correct, he had another woman in his life but negleted or should I say to inform me. With MG came baggage, stalkers, angry females and more trouble that I cared for but the sex was good so for a short while before it went pear shape it was good.
MG and I are still friends and over the years I am the only X he talks too. Now that’s because I am the only one who doesn’t have a restraining order on him 🙂  truth?

MG lived in a very blinkered world and when tackled about seeing others, denied it and even tired to turn it on me? Wrong sunshine, I did have others in the background but they were dormant until I needed them?  Bad I know but I know how it turns out and not cutting off all avenues? MG had a great problem with a Z list celeb I used to see and hated when I took calls off him! 

Years later, MG tells me about seeing Z list on TV and going mad, get a grip sweetheart, took me years to get rid of one of your X’s, who stalked me, pretened to be me and then to top it off, slandered me on a jesus forum!!!  Now that night my bessie mate DD and I took down the Christians with 5 messages and stalker was thrown to the lions and we were victorious!  DD and I celerbrated by drinking champagne and dancing to Candyman around my kitchen 🙂  Bye bye stalker.

In 1st place, NM!!!
NM was working at the same place as me, hairy biker with a gob that ran away with him and an opinion of, I know everything and right about everything!

Took me a while to warm to this creature but over time we built up a mate relationship and as a fellow biker myself would often ride out with NM for company.

NM was a married man in what he said was a sexless relationship with Mrs NM.  Like I care but NM loved to tell his story of how badly off he was??? My answer is and always will be, if ya aint happy move on or do something about it!  Stop whinning!!! 🙂

Being a fellow biker NM and our paths crossed as I was performing at biker rally’s. We started a fling and it was fun at first but boy its hard work when the guy is into the same sexual antics but never had the chance to perfect them.  Oh and did I mention a WIFE lol !!!!

Here’s where the fun starts, I don’t normally get involved with married men but NM kind of got under my skin? He was very attentive and great at buying things for our fun in the bedroom. Now what girl doesn’t like being showered with gifts??? 🙂

Now our fun is becoming addictive to him and he’s taking far too many chances with time and meetings. Men, heres a hint for you, women are bloody good at suspecting an affair and although your being careful, trust me, your bloody stupid and cock up in more than one way or another????

NM wasn’t playing by the rules and being jealous of my way of living. Hell, I aint going to stop going to fetish clubs, gigs or nights out just cause you have a wife at home.  Your the married one not me?

Surprise surprise, wifey suspects, tackles NM and its all out in the open? Doesn’t help you being away for a few days in a  different country with your mistress and you forget all the rules about playing the game and you get caught out with pictures and people there from the same small village,,, IDIOT!

Mrs NM sees red and your forced to move out.

Up to this point, here’s me ultra cool, playing the game, not getting too involved and BAM! Your single at last, own place and we can be seen in public for the first time. Like your mates don’t know about me with your HUGE gob shouting off!!!!

I get sucked into thinking you actually want to be with me. Well all the letters, gifts, sex etc oh and NM saying its what he wants, I give my heart. BIG MISTAKE. Can you hear it breaking already?

NM goes into melt down within a few months of batchelorhood, starts lickin windows, havin mental breakdowns, losing his job and forgetting who the hell I am.  Here’s where I get tough, cut NM off and hope to never hear off the pathetic loser again? Wrong within a week NM’s begging me to give him another chance and I am the world to him???

Girls, please always look after number one because you know once a loser always a loser??

Takes NM 14 days to sucker me in and another 10 after that to forget who I am and I have to chase him and end it!  NM”s excuse is, hes off to Alaska in November, its only January now,  to ride the trail down and always been a dream of his! KH!!!!!!  Off you pop then dear, wrap up warm.

Months later we bump into each other at a biker rally and the he/she pig he was f**king made me feel a whole lot better, thanks, that and all his mates told me how beautiful I was and that he had made a HUGE mistake.

Update on NM: moved back in with the wife. Stupid Mrs NM for putting up with him and hope he likes celabacy again!

🙂

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