In the Royal Navy as I am sure on civvy street, there is a saying,” any holes a goal”.
This leads me onto an interesting telephone conversation I had with my beau, whom I will call for blog purposes, MR C-L. (As many of my avid blog readers are aware, I like to be discreet with my lovers, hence code names).
Our telephone conversations range from serenading (made up, Peter Kay, Style worded songs), crazy accents, total random shit to the most bizarre conversation last night about making love to an Apple Pie! Now I must add here, it was him making love to the apple pie, not me!
Having tons of male friends, who can be icky at times, this is the first time I have ever been informed of this but being inquisitive as I am, we continue with the following observations:
A safe guide to pie love making:
- Apple pie and its inner consistency, seems to be the main choice but other fillings are available.
- Check your fruit filling as there maybe pits and stones to contend with.
- Pastry, always go for a short crust variety as flaky, filo or puff may be unsuitable.
- Never a hard pumpkin pie or even a meat variety. That’s just wrong lol!!!
- Crumble could be an option; if no fruit based pies are available but do watch out for the crumble? Maybe think about going in sideways.
- Egg custards could be good but only if a nutmeg, cinnamon topping.
- Rhubarb, too stringy.
- Pies with gravy, might wanna give them a miss! To moist, although us Northerners love owt moist, in this case, caution is advised.
- And last but not least, a traditional Cornish pasty. Try the end with fruit not meat and veg.
And here is the health and safety part:
- Always check the temperature of the pie with your finger and for the love of god, never a McDonalds’ apple pie, unless you want to suffer third degree burns on your wee man!
Now on another strange conversation, while at lunch today, Mr IT, our work mate, on the recent death of Prince (may you fly with Doves), added that rumour has it, that Prince had ribs removed to pleasure himself!
This then ended up in him adding that, if you get in the bath sideways, it’s all very doable?
Just to clarify, all the males in my life are very dodgy and weird but I does love em all!
Footnote from Mr C-L
This may grow into a whole afternoon of sexy cakes judged by those who deem to call themselves “cake Judges”
Or those whom are seen only in the summer months at garden fates
Usually of the “larger” size lady, mind you that brings in a whole new ball game as the larger lady is known to many men as King Arthur!! – As they Camalot
So to put it into a nutshell King Arthur judging the man cake!!
Memoirs of Miss Salt........... 